the corridor of uncertainty

It's funny how a lot of people contemplate when they've just got respite from a long day of work and I on the other hand look back and think when I'm in super hurry. Maybe because I'm far too lazed out all day to be doing anything worthwhile.

What have I done to deserve this?

The kind of love, respect and forgiveness I receive is something which honestly, I shouldn't be getting. It's like the batsman's nicked the ball and umpire is certain that he hasn't. What does the batsman do, thank his good karma and stay back or does he say, despite what my previous deeds have been, this time around I'll make a mistake if I stick around and walks away. Is life about every moment for itself or is it a tab of everything you've ever done? Despite me proving people that I'm an asshole over and over again(most of it unintentional though) I have family and friends who're ready to forgive and give me an another chance. Who tell me, "dude you're destined to play a big innings and bad decisions are a part and parcel of the game". What should I do? Should I keep my ego first and walk away or do I bow down to my team who've always backed me and say, I've been lucky, let me be careful the next time around.

I know it's an over used cliched statement but life indeed is a lot like cricket. It's a funny game life is. Nobility vs pragmatism. Ego vs loyalty. And despite my earlier firm belief, it really is a team sport. Like a lot of my recent posts, this seems to be muddled, incomprehensible. If it is, then it reflects the state of my mind. I haven't be able to read, to concentrate, to write, to work on anything. Purpose and meaning have been lost in the paced out craze of everyday-ness. Maybe this is what journeys, no matter how small do to you. They force you to set your priorities right. And I hope I do justice to all of them. I wouldn't call it payback but it's the least I can do to everyone in my life, all of whom have believed in the goodness in me.