Sunday, May 9, 2010

That institution called Marriage

This is probably my most daring piece till date. Something which questions the basis of civilazition's oldest belief. This is about marriage. As I begin this piece, a voice inside me is yelling blasphemy as another voice which comes from deeper within urges me to start off. And so, I readjust my chair, take a deep breath and plunge in.

All my life, I have never seen a happy marriage. I know that's a bold statement to make but I'm ready to answer any questions in this regard. Because if the relationship between two people-of the opposite sex, about the same age, from a similar social background (now these are common attributes of a majority of marriages)- is based on enough trust and love(now that's another topic I'm addressing soon), then there is no need to, as they say, tie the knot. Marriage is but an agreement two people take when they believe that they cannot tolerate each other unless something of an external force is applied on them. And that is where, right at the beginning, comes the end.

I see this girl at a friend's party. She's beautiful. And so, me being just another guy, want to get closer to her. I charm her, I make her laugh and I impress her. Soon, we meet often. I propose to her. She accepts. We eat outside regularly, go to the movies together and socialize together. Two 'I's become a We. Meanwhile, we grow closer. Understand each other's idiosyncrasies and tolerate mood swings. We have quarrels too but both of us know how much we mean to each other. And then suddenly she says we should marry. I ask, "Why?", with full knowledge of the suddenness of the question. Initially, she thinks its a joke. And then when she finds me serious, she grows surprised. And then, she's pissed. And all this while, she still doesn't reply to my question. So, I press her. She calls me a cold, psychotic B______. But somehow, I still can't find my answer among all this. She starts getting away from me, giving me the cold shoulder and crying out in her friends' arms. When I pose the same question to my friends, they call me a total nutcase and when on a high, give me what every honourable man gives his friends- A very valuable piece of advice, "Don't complicate things mate. You like her. She likes you. So, what is the problem?". I ask them the same question, what is the problem now for us get married. Now there's two options I have. Either readjust my ideas, convince myself, listen to everyone and get married. Or, stand by myself, take in all that's being given and risk losing the woman of my dreams.

Now, I realised midway that the above story has a lot of resemblance to Trivikram's Swayamvaram. Infact, the story of any one man against the rest of human civilization is like that. Either give in or risk losing everything. The hero in that movie gave in. Howard Roark did not. Anyway, I ask you the same question. We are happy like this. So then why legalize the bond?

There are two response I anticipate. One, is the security lest suddenly one day one(read male) of them suddenly disappears(Can either mean just wants to get out of the relationship or likes someone else). And two, so that the relationship is acceptable by the society. I know that even before I argue against those two points, you already know the answers. See, the entire system of ours is so fragile. Now coming to case one. What difference would it make to me if I'm married but still like someone else. I'd still be unhappy with the person I am. You may argue that it is here that sense of duty or loyalty come into picture but if you need a piece of paper, or a wedding ring or a chain around your neck to remind you of such things, think again. Because the moment I decide this woman isn't for me or I can't take this anymore, none of that bullshit matters. And now to case two. If you want the society's license to live together, go around together or have sex, what the fuck are you living for.

I have seen many unhappy marriages. And in most cases, the couple decides to live together for their children. So, should they have kids only after being sure that they'd stay happy together. You never know when love's born again. You may fall in love with a woman after 20 years of marriage. In that case, would you rather hide your true intentions, pretend infront of the society but still blame your spouse for this situation you are in. In that case, wouldn't it be better to just break it, live with someone else if that makes you happy but make sure that kids are taken care of, because their birth is your fault. Instead of cribbing together for entire lives, better to live different lives in peace. I once wrote about a Cue shot that its beauty lies in its idea than in its implementation. Similary, purity of a being lies in his thoughts, not in his actions. If you have performed the sin in your thoughts but pretend to be chaste physically, there's no point in it. Because men who love their wives never even dream about another woman. If you've done it, reassess your relationships. I believe that for any man, she is the most beautiful woman in the world who he is in love with. He doesn't have to fantasize about anyone else. He just doesn't. Because if Love is True, then those men who Love are True too.

If I love a woman, I'd live with her. I'd keep her happy. I'd make her feel special. Nothing voluntary. All that just happens. But then the day I believe I can't do full justice to her and her Love, I'll talk to her and get out of it instead of pretending that I love her. And as long as I love her, I'd be loyal, patient, loving and flirtatous. But I'd never need a piece of paper to tell me what to do and what not to.

I always tell people, "You love once, you love forever." I guess you get the point.


Unknown said...

you asked me to contradict with you after reading your post but looks like you have yourself have contrasting opinion dude.You said you never know when you'll start loving someone.So what in your opinion is an ideal time frame to test your love!!

sirish aditya said...

you don't test your love. you just know it or not. if you test your love, you doubt it. wen you doubt it, you don't believe in it. and when you don't believe in something, something like love, then there's no point adjusting yourself in the pretext of being in love.

sirish aditya said...

and to add to it, like i said, love is momentary. you are either in love, or not. so there's no question of verifying it.

Unknown said...

but wat do really call love as? liking some one??
if liking someone by just looks is wat u call love den wat is attraction?? I agree love at happens at a moment..but there is every possibility that we mistake infatuation for love and be live in such an illusion that we are loving someone..and i guess here you overlooked one thing when love can happen in a moment hate can also happen in jus a moment bcz it is equally strng emotion!!

sirish aditya said...

i don't know the answers. maybe i live in a parallel universe where people don't have to question their beliefs. that's what i do and that's what i've just written.