you know, this and that

Woke up today at 4.30, can you beat that? For one, I've been sitting home all day long so I ain't getting tired at all. And two, having watched Adaptation yesterday, I had a funny dream where I was dreaming about dreaming, and then there was Meryl Streep all over and I was trying to write and before that I had to wake up and so it went. At 60, Streep is one of the most attractive women I've seen.

Anyway, I went out for a run and had to cut midway because I couldn't run for God's sake and then there were these dogs which started barking and I had to walk a long way not to be chased by them. Didn't have the heart to run after that. And yea, I had pledged myself about four months ago that on my birthday I'd publish something. Am I done? No. Will I? Soon. Have I started? Yes. It's a story I wrote a week ago but there's a lot I need to work on. Feels good today, to be up and early.

Need to edit that Pool movie. Damn man, none of the editing tools work on my system and I'm far too lazy to go to Varun's house and work on it. Sad. Ahm, that's about it then. Birthday was uneventful but for a few unexpected surprises. I haven't been doing nothing much lately, apart from reading Lance Armstrong's It's not about the bike. What a guy, the kind of inner strength and the willpower he must have developed to beat the cancer, get back on the bike, endure the pain and win the Tour, arguably the toughest competition on the planet. Supremely inspiring.

I can't think of anything else to write then.
Later.

kindle does the trick

my first post from the kindle 3G+WiFi. bujji mama got this for me and i held it for the first time at about 2.30 today morning. it's like super cool but a little awkward typing. later then, for more on the spot updates.

quick punch

Well, like you are seeing right now, I've changed the look of the blog. It's been about three years since the same Simple Black theme has been set to it and for a while I thought it was patented to me. That was the standard of my blog and so I didn't mess with it too much, despite me getting irritated with it. But then today, suddenly, I realized that when I change so much, why should I stick to the same old theme forever.

So, in search of a new theme, I stumbled upon this and I like the easy, carefree way this looks. It's been a while since I have written anything, so it feels awkward again writing something; anything. Not much has happened since the last post but I stumbled across an idea 3 days ago, spoke about it with Varun and it seems to be getting somewhere. More about it when we start working on it. Office is good, my simple Java programs are actually running and I am able to retrieve data from the Database. That's about it for now.

I was just going through my archives and it hit upon me that if I seriously think I'm a good writer, I should be ashamed of myself. Apart from a handful good ones, most of the posts I've written are examples of pathetic writing skills. But then, they had to be written I guess.

Later.

countdown begins

loads to write. lots being cooked up, pages being scribbled and ideas being conjured. will do all that. but this may 18, i'll gift myself something i've always been meaning to. and will upload it here as the clock strikes midnight on the 18th.
with hopes that this promise will constantly remind me of it, i leave.

/untitled/

A lot has been happening, and a little too fast for my liking. But like the adage goes, Luck favours the Lucky. For one, I got placed into this company called Persistent Systems. I'd like to believe I was lucky enough, contrary to the opinion of family and a lot of friends, but my HR interview was awesome. I didn't really have a measure of time but then it must have been for about 40 minutes and honestly, I've never been talked to like that before. That was on the 18th of December. And now, as suddenly as I was getting back to being my normal, lost self, I had two Jhatkas which totally shook me up. I got hired as an intern in this company called Net.Orange which, from what I know develops healthcare related software for US hospitals. I went into the offices for the interview, and I have to admit I liked the place. Had an aptitude test and three rounds of interviews and it was a lot of fun. The MD was a really amiable man and he gave us meal passes just because we were there at lunch time. My interviews, again as my interviews usually are, were great and I had a great time talking to them. This was on 11th of this month and was the second time I had gone to HiTech city. One hell of a place, let me tell you. About 20 days ago, I went once in search of Persistent offices and fell in love with the whole place. Looked more like San Jose than Hyderabad, barring the formal guys wore. Dress code and timings probably help instate discipline and homogeneity but then I believe they stifle creativity, a mad streak that raw energy provides. And in the midst of all this, I got my CAT result yesterday. Funnily enough, I scored well which made Amma propel into illusions of an IIM-educated son but then I told her I still was not good enough. That disappointed her a bit but then I'm happy she's really proud. That shows I've been busy in the last fortnight or so and that probably gives me a reason for not advancing deeper into Godel, Escher, Bach. I started reading Coetzee today, Life & Times of Michael K, and all I can say insofar is that it's bleak and readable. I am also waiting for a phone interview from this NGO called WOTR, which deeply invigorates me. Had a fun MAD meeting this monday and we spoke about working full time for MAD. An interesting option, which I want to keep open. Meanwhile, I'll soon have to apply for Teach For India and though I don't see myself as good as their wants, I plan to still give it a shot. And I watched the first two parts of Numb3rs and it's good. I love the idea Charlie Epps, which I as usual, saw myself in him.All this apart, we have our Gruhapravesham in two months and that's going to be great as well. So, that's about it for now. Had this sudden urge to write. But this is not what I basically intended to write. Will do that tomorrow, starting the draft today.

And yeah, I love her ముక్కుపుడక.

still stuck up

This is a reply to my previous post I wrote today morning. As soon as I wrote that down, I realised something. I said action expecting a consequence was not right. But even the most basic of stuff we do is done for the consequence. You eat something you like because it tastes good. Action for consequence. You watch a movie hoping that it will help you relax. It is natural. But how much of it can be avoided is the question. Ok, if I'm still ambiguous, we'll talk about it later. Night.

the need to prove

back here again for a quick piece of action. been scribbling a lot down of late. so much to write, so much to post here. i wrote about ramu on pfc today, let's see if it gets published. anyway, i was talking to kruthi earlier and one of my deepest questions came to the fore. why do all of us have a need to prove? maybe to ourselves, maybe to others; though the latter is awfully worse than the former. but still, life ain't no theorem to be proving. that is, once you've come down to the last step, you write hence, proved and you've earned your right to glory, like checkmating. all that comes into play when we look at life long-term. all of us dream of marriage, old age, retirement and the rest but is it all worth it? about 4 years ago, somebody thought they'd live with me forever, now i've proved them otherwise(ofcourse galthi meri thi). 3 years ago, the worst thing that could've happened to me was flunking, now i laugh at the prospect of it. life's far too fast, far too fleeting, far too messy, a function of a magnanimous(though that depends on you) number of variables f(N), and what fucking eccentricity would have us stop living and etch out a plan for ourselves. i'm reading GEB and so let me put it this way, when you're living in this system called life, you'll have to go with the flow. you cannot go out of the system. funnily enough, when you try to and you think you're outside the system, that's still looking at the smaller system from within the larger system. to be deciding and trying to stick to something just because you've decided earlier that that's what you're going to do later. i read somewhere today, can't remember where, that the yesterday you isn't the you now. when you're changing everyday, every moment, and what seems so right this moment might not appear the next, what's the whole prospect of planning. of setting goals, achieving them and proving to somebody that this somebody who once was, has become somebody else. thinking now, as i write, all that seems like searching in vain for one constant point, like clinging onto a mirage with the hope that it'd turn into an oasis one day. life's not a program where you write code, compile it, execute and see the results. all life, you're still writing the program, and you don't have a backspace in the hypothetical version of the concept of the linearity of time. all you can do is write the best code you can. the uparwala will execute it when you sit next to him. think about it.

a quick retrospection

it doesn't make sense, does it? nobody wants their daughter to marry a friggin' asshole but in case she's been raped or stuff like that, you turn to the same sonuvagun and beg him to marry your daughter. if he's been as psychotic before marriage, how'd your daughter be any happier after she's done marrying the same guy? WTF is even wrong with people.

motivation source- taraka ratna's okato number kurradu

The System, Supertramp and fb

Watching Into the Wild. Reading Godel, Escher, Bach. Loving it. All the pending gyaan of the last few weeks coming in a rush. No more fb. Been jotting down some stuff today. This came when I was watching Into the Wild today- The difference between living and dying runs pretty thin. With living, you realize that you are on the verge of death every moment and with dying, you've just crossed that line. I love Mahesh Shankar's violin versions in the end medleys of both Vennela and Prasthanam. Makes me crave for more. No wonder so many people quote Hofstadter. 40 pages through and I'm spellbound by his observations. So real that I've felt all of them and yet his ability to give those fluid thoughts a concrete shape is fascinating. The Matrix talks about The System; now I know where that came from. Watched Tanikela Bharani's interview yesterday. Loved him speak about Sri Sri, Chalam and Telugu. Feeling good today. Did what I wanted to, didn't go out or meet a lot of people today. Liking it. And yea, before I leave, if one sentence helps me understand people better, it is this- We judge ourselves by our ideals, others by their actions.

Bidding adieu

I will not be posting for sometime. I don't know how long. Knowing about a few people, reading about a few I realized how futile my writing and the content of it are. How foolish I've been to assume myself to be worth something and reveling in the mirage of false genius. So, until I look upto myself and deem myself worth being published, I'm not posting anything.

God bless.

Should? Shouldn't? or is it always a matter of Choice?

Ages and Ages after I last blogged with something to say, I'm back again today.
I was making pradakhanalu around the temple, 41 of 'em and so had a lot of time to dream around. I was thinking about my conversation with Dhruti yesterday and about my line I fell in love with. I've always said that once an impure thought enters into your mind, it doens't necessarily have to be converted into an action and the thought itself has polluted you. Isn't that right in a way. When all of us live in our heads, what happens in there is what defines us.

Walking in the temple, with nothing else to do, I started analyzing it. And the answer is simple. The fact that you did not let one bad thought influence your actions speaks that you are good enough not to be lured by the Satan. When you do not have the capability to control your mind, as most of us, make sure that that is not translated into actions. Like every other part of you, your body, the brain realizes after a point of time what it is supposed to do, what it isn't and is going to learn from it. So, when you stop doing what you don't want to, slowly, I suppose, the brains stop generating such pulses.

Now, another question which arises out here is that when your brain tells you what has to happen, then who tells it what it is supposed to to. I suppose, the convenient answer would be conscience but then all the good and the bad are but conversations within yourself. So, when you have enough reasons to want to be a good guy, that is what is going to prevail and vice versa. At the end of the day, what you choose to do or be all day long, is what eventually matters.

I don't know if it makes a lot of sense but then I wanted to get over with it, so this was it. I'm happy to realize that you can actually govern your life according to your actions. I do not know how I came across this idea but you know, sometimes in life, you just get lucky enough.

Twittomania

Just about to go to sleep. And I just read in someone's blog what he had just tweeted. I couldn't resist the temptation and here I'm.

Twitter is the latest, biggest thing on the web. Why the hell would you tell someone what you just did to keep them updated and why would someone else want to be updated if you've just seen a movie, met with an accident or killed a mosquito? Isn't that expecting far too much from the world? Like everyone wants to know what's the coolest thing that happened to you.

I want to write more but I'm sleepy. Think over it.

P.S: And yeah, what right do I have to expect that you'd read this and think over this? And why am I using lots of And's and italics?

Pleased as Punch

Got into MAD. That's a whole new story, will write about it soon. During the selection process, they asked us to write about why we wanted to get into MAD. I wrote this and today I saw it up in the MAD site next to my resume. I wrote it in a hurry in about 2 minutes but reading back, I'm proud of it. Here it goes.

--

Why MAD. Apart from being one of the most popular organizations working towards this cause, what pulls me more towards you folks is the fact that MAD was started by a bunch of college-goers; People who need not have done anything, didn't have to but yet chose to. I've always wanted to do something for those less privileged than me. What have I done? Nothing much, to be honest, apart from write about Child Labour in my blog, convince a couple of my classmates against employing children as maids and brood over God's injustice. That is because I never knew where to start off. And MAD seems like a good place to begin with. I'm just another restless youth but I'm energetic enough to inspire kids, enthusiastic enough to work hard and committed enough to stick to what I believe in. And I believe in the difference MAD can make.

Why didn't I already do this?

So, surprising that I never wrote about a lot of things I love so much. Right from Bob Dylan, The Catcher in the Rye and The Roots to Dil Chahta Hai, Alexander Supertramp and RK Narayan and Bapu-Mullapudi, Zen and Howard Roark. Hang on I think I forgot telling you about two classics, The City of Joy and One Hundred Years of Solitude. And all along to think that I'm wiling away time searching for something to do. I'll soon write about them all. Very soon.

And what's coming first in that list is the story of Holden Caulifield. JD Salinger is the guy you have to read when you are 16, confused, lost and super pissed(or is that all a part of being 16).

Coming soon.

What is life all about?

Isn't that the ultimate question of 'em all. I mean if anyone knows that, wouldn't that mean they know everything else too. And if a man knew everything, the past, present and the future, would he want to live anymore, seeing that the mystery of living would be replaced by the dread of breathing. Ok. Let's go easy now.

What is it about love that is so painful. Why is there so much suffering in getting attached to something, be it a woman, a dog or a 60k worth camera. What the hell am I saying. No wonder I'm lost. All I've been doing these days is sleep, read, talk and sit late into nights suffering to quit suffering. I have an exam coming up and should I be doing this right now. All of us, in life, know all the answers. Its all about asking the right questions. And having the courage to accept the truth. Shit. Quit sermonizing asshole. Alright, off I go then. I'll do what I should be doing right now, not think so much, take life by the moment and everything is going to be just fine. Rather, great.

Chow.

The Great Writing Odessey

Its been ages since I penned something original. I wouldn't call it the Writer's Block but a little of that and a lot of laziness have conspired into this long break. I have about 35 drafts and quite a few new experiences to write and I'll finish them soon. I luckily have this urge to write again and I'm not going to let it go this time.

If I can be a little immodest, wait for the stampede because it is about to be unleashed.

Vacation time

Off I go to my North India tour with my classmates. Delhi-Agra-Simla-Kullu-Manali-Amritsar-Waga. No idea how its going to end up but I'm looking forward to it. Will be back on the 23rd. Am planning to maintain a travelogue and post everything out here.
Till then,
God bless,
aditya.

taking some time off

i wont be blogging for sometime. just letting you folks(me included!) know. ahm! why? i dont know. coz ive so many saved posts, half written and im not being able to finish em off. so, what ill do is, ill take sometime off from this self-conceited-depressing-enlightening-abt my girl blog of mine and then ill come back with everything new and a lot of old, saved stuff too.

btw, if you havent seen leader's first look, i suggest you do it. rana looks amazing(no gay intentions) and sekhar kammula has been 'the sekhar kammula' since i saw anand. keeping my fingers crossed and hoping he can pull it off(item song and a huge star cast).

meanwhile, ill try deciding what ill do with life(amma's been pestering me since abt a month), ill stop being such an extrovert, go read and watch movies, go through than enlighetening phase which people call transition from boyhood-to-manhood and ... holy crap! STFU. and yea, i forgot to tell ye, i finished reading the catcher in the rye yet another time, watched DCH once more and spoke to my girl last monday for abt half hr. boy, do i love her.

she was really sweet and lecturing and all that, that i should grow up, leave her behind, move on with life and try findin another girl and between all this, she called me an asshole 7 times, loser 4 times, moron twice, immature twice and a coward once. and she told me if she had a chance, she'd kill steve jobs. boy, i love her.

anyway, ill see you folks in sometime then. how long, i have no idea. maybe ill come back before i become a man an all.

all hail and god bless.