I ran my first marathon on Sunday, 17-Sep-2023. It took me 5 hours and 38 minutes. I was supposed to write this post the next day and had been excited about logging events of the amazing week leading upto it. But a certain listlessness came over me on Monday and I ended up spending the day watching Maa Vinta Gaadha Vinuma, and getting fairly irritated with the few people who were congratulating me for finishing the race. Broadly there were two reasons for the whining: 1. I felt like I didn't really earn the medal because I was constantly drinking electrolyte and eating energy bars throughout the run. It felt like I cheated my way through, of signalling fitness without actually being fit. 2. The congratulations had an air of social mores akin to wishing someone Happy Birthday or congratulating someone on their pregnancy. It just felt, no not fake but, shallow. There was no deep engagement or understanding except it being a slightly unusual entrant in polite, social small talk. Ofcourse, people for the most part don't give a hoot about what others do (I don't, so I assume everyone doesn't as well) and while I understand society works on the basis of these weak ties, maybe its my problem to not take it for what it is and compartmentalise well. Sravani, though, identified the problem brilliantly later the same day: "You can't be happy for long. You feel compelled to puncture it". I think she is spot on but let's leave that armchair exploration for a later blog post. To wind up that thread, since that day I've fallen sick, been stressed at work, vowed and failed, and didn't do anything much useful or fun. I feel surefooted now on more solid ground.
On 09-Sep, after two good GCPP lectures in one of which I got a laugh from the lecturer for characterising the Indian Constitution as "a philosophical treatise that makes some metaphysical assumptions", we went to Karunesh Talwar's special Adrak Ka Swaad in UNSW. That was good fun. The next day, Sravani and I visited a White Australian's house for the first time, a co-greenie, and ended up having a very good time. On Monday, it was another good discussion at the Socialist Alternative Reading Group though I'm getting tired of how everyone is already fairly convinced of socialism, so there are no arguments strong enough for people to question their priors. On Tuesday, I had a good conversation with a Dr. Haroon, also a co-greenie, who is trying to create a diverse group of people from the sub-continent to push back against the increasing Hindutva thought down here in Australia. On Wednesday morning, I handed out YES leaflets at the Westmead Station1. It was a lovely2 experience, and I chatted with this old lady I was paired with who is also an artist/ art instructor. Later in the night I met Kruthi after 12 years and it was like entering a time portal. I hadn't realised how much I'd journeyed (too little objectively though), and all that that's happened over the interim period. On Thursday, I went to my first rally4 in Australia and that was a very illuminative experience. I couldn't find the group I was supposed to be with but nonetheless stuck up a couple of conversations, one very long with a Socialist Alternative member who recognised me from the reading groups, and we ranted and bitched about corrupt politicians and corporate types who weren't doing anything to halt global warming. On Friday, I rewatched Krishna and His Leela, and loved it more than I did the first time. Other than being fun and entertaining, I think it also raises important questions. To extend from Herzog5, we need 21st century stories for 21st century questions and complexities. And maybe part of the reason so much pop culture is obsessed with nostalgia is because it isn't able to create/ crack the new paradigm. On Saturday, Sravani and I had a long, hard argument which was only diffused by me having to run on Sunday. And Sunday was, for the lack of a better word, fun (bloody hell, I need a thesauraus). I had been fairly confident of doing the distance and after the first 10k I knew that as long as I didn't hurt myself or dehydrate and cramp, I'd finish the race. Kilometres circa 28-37 were the toughest due to the heat, the field of runners around me, and the slowness with which time passed but my playlist and my watch really helped. I'm glad I completed it, hopefully faster and purer next time.
Its funny how all this seemed so incredible as I was running and imagining writing this post on Sunday, but now just feels.. yeah, that wasn't too bad. I must've also read/ listened to some interesting stuff over the period but nothing stands out now, except maybe Prof. Amit Chaudhuri's philosophical-self-questioning-inducing6 Finding the Raga.
It was a good week.
P.S: In other news, I've just started working on the Japan film primarily because Sravani said a while ago that she's really excited to see it. The ears of the old boyfriend inside perked up. Stay tuned.
1Infact, being vocal about YES has led me to a couple of intense arguments, primarily with Ankur and Prasad Babai, and while the conversations were thought-provoking, I couldn't find a way to persuade the other party because our primary assumptions about the nature of the world were quite different. I understood Ankur's POV but while he was letting fear of things taking an ugly turn stop him, I was more idealistic (and maybe naive in his eyes or, worse, a virtue-signalling liberal) and in need of a more redemptive arc for The Story of Australia.
2I wanted to write enriching but thankfully realised it sounds too much like PR bullshit3. I think this is why language evolves: people find a nice way of communicating a deep, personal, human experience and soon enough the advertisers and PR fuckers take it over and corrupt it, forcing us to find new, purer ways to express.
3“An ad that pretends to be art is -- at absolute best -- like somebody who smiles warmly at you only because he wants something from you. This is dishonest, but what's sinister is the cumulative effect that such dishonesty has on us: since it offers a perfect facsimile or simulacrum of goodwill without goodwill's real spirit, it messes with our heads and eventually starts upping our defenses even in cases of genuine smiles and real art and true goodwill. It makes us feel confused and lonely and impotent and angry and scared. It causes despair.” -David Foster Wallace
4I also ended up being featured in the photo on The Guardian. In case you're wondering, I'm the genius holding the corflute upside down.
5"Give us adequate images. We, we lack adequate images, our civilization doesn't have adequate images. And I think our civilization is doomed, is gonna die out like dinosaurs if it does not develop an adequate language or adequate images." -Werner Herzog
6I initially wrote gobsmacking here but that's not what I felt except in a couple of occasions. Writing is so hard- to distil all the myriad and dynamic thoughts and emotions floating around in my head in the hours I spent with the book into one or two adjectives without exagerrating or doing disservice to my original feelings is so challenging. Not to mention finding a way to evade the catchy-line traps I must've setup in my head while reading and simultaenously anticipating this-ish post.
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