Intoxicated by love

People say love is selfless. They say you love for your partner, not for yourself. They say if you really love a person and they don't want to see you anymore, its your duty as a lover to give more importance to their happiness and never meet them again. But when you are really in love, you'll know that nothing is more selfish than love and that when you see the love of your life leaving you and going away with another person, its probably the worst feeling in the world. Trust me.

Love is a really strange feeling. It liberates you from everything else in the world. But at the same time it makes you a prisoner of the heart where you are trapped in love itself. Love is so selfless to the extreme that you are ready to do anything for your lover. But at the same time it is so selfish that you grow so possessive about your lover that they will hate you for it. And love is a traitor. It doesn't reveal itself until all your chances to get your love have slipped past and when you have broken your lover's heart, at that moment, you realise that you loved them like nothing else.

People talk about broken hearts. I never believed in it. I always thought if you could bring back all the good memories, you could redeem your love. People talk about end of love. I never believed in it too. I always thought love is something 'forever'. Or as lovers would put it, 'till eternity'. But fate or destiny and mostly myself proved that I was wrong. Your love's going to take you as long as you hurt them but there comes a point in any relationship where there is not turning back. You cannot fix the broken pieces. And love is not something forever. True it stays forever but its magnitude depends upon how it is treated. Love thrives on love. When you really want someone to love you or you know someone loves you, then never take it for granted. Make sure that you tell them every moment how much you mean to them.

But most importantly, understand that love or any relationship is a two way business(I use the word for the lack of a better term). The moment you take your lover for granted, they will take it for sometime, no matter how eccentric you are but don't expect them to take it on forever. Because they, at times, want some support too. Its not always you who cries on your love's shoulder. They would want to wail out too in your arms. And I thought you need to be loved for what you are. But when someone loves you so much and wants to see a little change in you, you should. I mean if you big, fat, lousy ego would allow that.

I realised all this too late. I took my girl to be there for me forever. In our relationship, there was no we, it was only me. And now I'm repenting. I was never the same person who she initially loved. She waited. She took it on. She was calm. But she couldn't stand up to my madness, my disgusting behaviour and my indifference anymore. She did a lot of things for me. She lied, she made excuses, she left her social life to be with me. I? If I had atleast been half as good as her, I wouldn't have been crying today. I broke her heart. And now she's left me. I don't know if I'll ever get her back. Or maybe I do and I don't want to admit it. But if she ever reads this I want her to know that I really love her but I didn't know she meant so much to me until she left me. I love you.