Sunday, May 20, 2012

whatever

I have nothing to write. I'm writing because I've vowed to. Because I've decided to post something now. So what should I write about? Office is getting a little better, I've recently watched Batman Begins and The Dark Knight again, and that's about it really. Yea, playing FIFA 08. Bored to hell. I don't want to talk about the other proceedings in my life. I can't post that stuff that's far too personal nor can I stand a long time without telling the world I'm still alive, still trying to write. I'm stuck between Paripoornananda's Bhagad Gita, Chaganti's Hanumath Mahatyam and Nolan's Dark Knight, Advaita's Gates of Dawn. The unplugged version is brilliant. I'm stuck between watching Midhunam, reading Sri Ramana and reading Garcia Marquez, WhatIsStephenHarperReading.ca. Weird fuck. Why am I even posting? The kind of insecurity web's built into me is amazing. Anonymity is virtually nonexistent, being ignorant is not an option and if I don't post stuff atleast once a fortnight, or check my mail and facebook atleast three times a day, I start getting nervous about what I'll be leaving behind. Nobody's pushing me. Apart from the fear that tomorrow I might cease to exist and not leave anything substantial for people to talk about me. How foolish. People won't remember me for a long time anyway, why should they and even if they do how will it help me? Why do I want to chronicle my emotions and anxieties for my kids to read. Rahul Ram talks about Asheem's death and he says, "People didn't pay much attention to Asheem's absence. In a way its comforting because we'll still manage the live acts without him. But its scary that nobody cares if you are there or not." Anonymity scares the shit out of people. People want to be remembered, quoted and believe that their loved ones won't cease thinking about them. Ignorance. Now I realize why people turned to fiction. Its much easier portraying emotions, letting out insecurities and fantasies when you are masked. When people cannot differentiate between fiction and truth.

Some visuals in The Dark Knight are genius. Especially the scene where joker walks out of his battered truck, or the scene where he walks away with Lau and is riding in the Police car, with his head out. Or maybe its the background score. Haunting. Some stunning visuals.

Nothing else.

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