Saturday, December 26, 2009

Boy, am I bored.

Rule 1: Do not read this.
Rule 2: Follow Rule 1 and thank me.
Rule 3: Stop reading on and leave.

I watched Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi today. For the third time. And I loved it. Let me finish off with the movie first and then I'll start saying all that I want to say. The first time I watched it, about a year ago with Sid, DC and Kruthika, I hated it. Not just because I was bored but because I thought it was really phony. What's wrong with AD Chopra?, was what I though back then. I mean, look at DDLJ and now 13 years later, at RNBDJ. But I watched it on TV with Amma about two months ago, and surprisingly I liked it. Least to say, it wasn't so boring this time around. And I watch it again today and I fall in love with it. Have I changed so much? Don't worry folks, this isn't one of those long soliloquy's where I blabber about myself endlessly.

Chopra is so sublime it took me 3 viewings to understand properly what he was trying to convey. With SRK at his bloody best, the movie is everything which on the surface it denies. Its got song-dance sequences, its got amazing comedy, its got the dimple-smile SRK. The only thing different from other Bollywood masala movies is that, its intelligent and bold. I loved the movie this time around. And it has a lot of memorable, intelligent scenes like the 'Pyaar ki na zaroorat na aadat' one, the scene where Raj talks to a statue dressed as Suri and my personal favourite, the breakfast-Red Rose scene. Oh! I just love it.

Alright. Enough. This piece isn't about any of it. This is about the oldest question of 'em all. Yes, folks! This is about Love. The biggest Force(or Fraud) beneath all of human existence. I'm so confused. Some tell me Love is selfless. That I can love a person without expecting anything in return. Some tell me, Love thrives on itself and it needs the other person's love to survive. Some tell me, it happens in one moment with that Special Person. That Special Moment. Some tell me, like everything else, it grows over a period of time. Some tell me, a Broken Heart can never be mended. Some tell me, Time heals everything. And yet some tell me, its all a myth. There's nothing as love to the other person as much as love to oneself. And that 'I Love You' is the Biggest Lie of 'em all.

But what do I think? To be honest, I conveniently jump from one view to another. If you ask me, none of them are true. Just situational escape routes.(My Darkest Best). Or if I'm in a bright, happy mood, I might say, "Whatever makes you find God". Ok. But that gives us more complications. What is God? I would define God to be something, anything that gives you infinite bliss. I know that sounds cliched but its kinda true. And what gives us a lot of happiness. Its either Truth or Beauty. Truth because it liberates us. And Beauty because it transforms us. Forget it. What were we talking about? Yeah, Love.

I write because (I like being read, ofcourse) it helps me think. To find answers. My question here is, Can a person Love someone else without expecting anything in return? I have this feeling that I've already written quite a lot about this(Post Breakup Syndrome) but seriously, Can I love a girl though I know she loves someone else and that her heart would never be mine.(Fuck you people who invented English. You have the same work for both Gunde and Manasu). Dictionary.com defines love as thus. Diplomatic arses. Look at the number of definitions.


Where did I start off and where am I heading. Infact I'm writing all this because its been ages since I've written a long post. Where were we, yeah Love. I'm 19. I'm a Guy. So far whenever I think about Love, I connect it to women. A pretty girl who was born for me, a place up there in a country in France, just the both of us in a wooden cottage overlooking a brook and a rocking chair. I sound Guy De Maupassant like don't I?. What am I saying. Sorry to confuse you folks but I'm searching for answers here. Or maybe I'm not supposed to find them. Maybe Love is so beautiful because its just a myth. An illusion. Something to be accepted. Never to be questioned. And if you've noticed, all along the post I've always typed Love with a capital L. Maybe involuntarily I'm giving it a lot of respect.

Wouldn't this World be a better place without Love? Or would it? I see a little kid being beaten up on the road and I flinch. Is it Love? I see a hungry dog searching for food in a garbage can and I feel for it. Is that Love? Mother Teresa(I'm not even eligible to talk about her) adopted thousands of children and cared for them. Is that Love? A fireman sees a kid stuck in a flaming building and he runs to rescue him risking is own life. Love, eh? There's a psycho killer who'd kill his girl rather than see her happy with someone else. Is that Love too? Aah, I'm such a cynical _______.

I just quoted some personal experience here but I though better of it and deleted it. I don't want to know all of this. Deal. But how'd I know if I am in Love or if I've convinced myself into it. Does Love at First Sight exist? And if we are talking soul mates, do they come pre-arranged in pairs? Its 1.17 in the morning and I'm barking away to glory. Watcha you guys doing? Why you reading this waste of digital space? And what am I saying?

I'm not confused. I'm just plain bored. And my wild, fucked up imagination is my only source of entertainment. Tell you what, I really don't want to know all this. I mean I do but I wish I could stop asking all this and just take life as it comes. As they(who?) say, Life always unravels itself. I hope it does. But till then, I pray to have a sane mind and do what I'm supposed to. Sorry guys if you've wasted all your energies reading this. I'm fucked up, lazy, sleepy, dumb. And loved. That's why I'm doing all this. Now I get it.

Just now. I write all this, all this shit about the world, about changing it and all that because I'm loved. I've been so lucky all my life being pampered and loved that I have the luxury to indulge myself into all this. But how can I be so sure that I'm loved if I don't know what it exactly means. I don't know. Listen to me, close the damn window. I'll go too. I'm sleepy. Adios.

P.S- This post wasn't meant to be like this. I don't know what I wanted to write but definitely not this. Sorry for wasting your time. To hell with it. I'm not sorry. I pre-warned you.

5 comments:

  1. hey im nt sure wat u reali intended to rite..but then it still stands to b one f da best piece ive read on love.!!Ive always had lotta confusions abt lov..lots f qstns abt its existence..its form..but then when a guy lik u whos already neck deep into it..nt out of it r mayb nt yet..cudn figur out wat xactli it is..mayb i cud nevva figur it out..mayb nt unles i xperienc smethng inexpressibl f such kind by myself !!
    anyway i stil say its one f da best pieces i evva read abt love....sorry Love!!

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  2. rofl!..capital L eh?..but tell you what, you overstate me..had i been half as good as you think i am, it'd been great..but i ain't that. anyway, thanks.

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  3. hmm wats dis..is it dat evry gr8 person has got a tag calld modesty attachd to dem by birth..or do dey bcme gr8 only bcz dey acquir it..wateva b it..ur no less buddy.i got addicted to ur blog..i reali connect myself to many f da thngs u quote in ur blog..wat i lik best abt it is ..u put thngs js da way u conceiv...r may b i feel dat way..but den trust me i feel ur mch mre dan wat i can say u r!!

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  4. im not commenting. im really glad you like it and that urges me to do better work. but it also scares me 'coz i have to stand upto it. and if i have to admit one thing among all that you said, its that i write whatever i feel. that's the only way i can write. my blog is an extension of my mind. whatever. but thanks man. really.

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  5. u keep ritin, il keep readin dats da deal isnt it soo simple ;)!!

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