Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Finding Neverland

Disclaimer Attention: This post is not based on the film of the same name.

I don't know if you call this Spirituality, Philosophy, Scientology, whatever? But of late, I've been thinking a lot over The Alchemist(yeah, Paulo Coelho's masterpiece). And watching Happy Feet today, sort of got me going in that direction. Is it really true that people are actually born to do one specific thing? I mean every soul born is born to satisfy one specific purpose? Is it also true that a person's karma is already pre-destined but it is his duty to find it out and find himself true moksha(a state so powerful that anything else in the entire universe appears trivial)?

I don't know. But I want to believe in it. I want to believe that I've been created to achieve something and the moment I find what that is, I will find infinite happiness, capabilities and belief in myself in achieving it. Maybe you think I'm a good-for-nothing loser(I can't blame you either, my previous writing have portrayed that kind of an attitude) but to be honest, I have never found out something so powerful and so enchanting that from the moment I know it, nothing else ever existed. No, I've never had that kind of a feeling so far and I'm in search of it. That is why I try my hand in so many fields but quit so quickly. Because, I know that the moment I touch something I was born for, I'll already have known it. This attitude and extreme laziness have made me good for nothing in all the past years of my life.

A couple of days ago, I contemplated on how I've been a loser all my life, giving lame excuses for being one. But I'm in a dilemma right now. Some sort of crossroads where I don't know if I should wait for the in-born ability to break free or bend myself and do whatever I want to. Yeah, there are some things which I love doing. I really like writing but only when I'm in the mood for it. There have been instances where I wrote about 10k words one day and maybe never wrote down one original thought for 3 months straight. I'm not talking about this ability. I'm talking about that One thing so powerful that the moment I start doing it, I should feel that nothing else matters anymore(Yeah, a mixture of many books and many movies can be sometimes really filmy ;)).

I want to feel like Tendulkar, the moment he held a bat for the first time, like Van Gogh, the moment he took a brush for the first time and like Ramanujan, the moment he discovered the beauty of zero(I mean I don't know what they must have felt then but I want to feel what I think they felt then (what? wateva!)).

I want to see God while doing That thing. I want to reach closer to the Truth everytime I start doing That thing. I want to feel infinite pleasure, a sense of freedom and the belief of leaving everything Else behind. I want to reach the Higher Truth by the work I do and that is, I think, only possible if I was born to achieve that One thing.

Its about finding neverland...

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